Suddenly, I felt a need to shake things up inside myself, to find hearts that love me more, care more, and overlook my faults more and more, until they forgive me for all my failures and shortcomings.So I decided to listen this time and embark on a journey of self-discovery, because I am fighting a great battle with myself at this particular age so that I don’t lose myself and lose the love of things and the joys and wonders of life that I rediscovered too late, after it was too late. I learned not to say yes in a chaotic world full of contradictions, which devours me, imposes its will on me, and forces me to laugh, cry, and accept what I cannot bear. I decided to be brave, and despite the disappointments, I said “no” loudly and clearly in my fiercest battles to recover for my own sake, even if it was too late and impossible for my mother.To my paradise, to God, I wish I were the closest person to you and the furthest from everyone else. I am the last leech that hid in your womb, silent for an eternity about everything your heart loves and desires. I sold my life for you, and I wanted to blossom in it with you by my side, applauding me, not against me. I am autumn; my knot has tormented me for years, until your absence took everyone with it and left, and my tongue became unable to speak; only my trembling hands write what I feel!I miss you, my mother, even if you are not all my friends.
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